How to Make a 6-Pound Gummy Penis for Less Than $25
So you stumbled upon The World’s Largest Gummy Penis and now you want to make your own. Luckily, we’re generous with our intellect and are happy to share the secrets to a successful moulding. Follow these simple instructions and you’ll be in erotic gummy bliss quicker than I can eat a package of gummy penises. And for less than $25!
Things You’ll Need:
- Approximately 6 pounds of gummy candy ($1.99 on sale…boo yah!)
- Penis Ice Mold ($11.99 at bachelorette.com)
- Crock pot (borrow one from your baby’s daddy’s momma)
- Spatula (I’m sure she’s got one of these, too)
- Ladle (was this joke even funny the first time around?)
Instructions:
- Buy 6 pounds of your favorite flavor of gummy candy. The gummies should be all one color as opposed to mixed. Dual-toned gummy worms or anything that comes in a variety of flavors and colors will wind up making your 6-pound gummy penis a disgustingly indescribable color. We used gummy raspberries, but only because gummy sharks weren’t available (which were obviously a prime choice to make blue balls).
- When you return home, fill the crock pot with all the gummy candy that you can. Place the lid on top and turn the crock pot on “low.” Let the gummies melt for 90 minutes, stirring once every half hour or so.
- Once the gummies are melted and smooth, carefully ladle the molten goo into the bottom half of the penis ice mold. When you have an inch or two of space from the top, very carefully place the top half of the mold on the bottom half and slowly push down until you can’t push no mo’. Some molten goo will likely spill out of the air holes on the top, and probably around the sides. That’s ok.
- Let the gummy penis mold cool and harden at room temperature overnight.
- The next day, soak the gummy penis mold in boiling hot water for 30-45 minutes until the mold becomes loose enough so you can take it apart without ripping the newly-formed gummy penis to shreds. Clean that giant 6-pound gummy penis up and let it sit for a while–all that water soaking requires more time to dry!
- When the gummy penis is mature and dry, it will be solid and impossible to damage! What you do with it beyond that is your own business!
